Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
