Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
