Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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