im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
