if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
