We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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