My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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