I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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