our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
