I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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