I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
