I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Plan B is the new Plan A
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
