Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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