I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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