Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
