you traded sex for a burrito?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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