All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
