You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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