Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
