She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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