i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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