Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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