I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
