I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
