you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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