I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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