your parents love me but you hate me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We are two peas in an std pod
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
