Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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