Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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