I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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