so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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