Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
