I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
