My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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