so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
