Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
