You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
