The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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