Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
