I have demons in me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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