There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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