if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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