so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
