Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
