is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There's always time for handjobs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I am available for nakedness
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
