Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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