I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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