That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
