WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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