How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
